you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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