Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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