Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
