i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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