I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
