hell yes lets make some ravioli
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
