So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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