the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
