have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
