My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
