Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
