lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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