I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
