How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
