Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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