My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
