officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
