You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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