I think I won the penis lottery.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
