FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dignity is for republicans.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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