Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
