Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
