I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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