I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
