Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
