If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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