So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
