Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The best revenge is premature balding
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
