You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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