The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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