Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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