There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
