so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
