Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
