I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
