there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
