I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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