I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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