he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
