I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
