She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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