I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
