Will you blow on my dice?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
