Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
