He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
