don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
