Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
