at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
