Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
