Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
