I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
