Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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