fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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