Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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