Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
