Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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