I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
