I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
