So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
